I was studying in my apartment the other day when I switched from book-work to practice questions on my laptop. When Monica came into the living room I told her “Just letting you know, I switched to practice questions on my computer, so I’m still studying.” I wanted her to know I wasn’t just on my computer during my supposed study time.
She graciously responded “Morgan, I don’t think that you slack.”
Oh, okay, good. Because I’m not slacking and the thought that someone thinks I am is apparently one of my fears.
Because I so care how others perceive me. Only I thought and feared that! That is how my brain sometimes works; I think about what others must think of me, hope they aren’t thinking that, and wonder how I could change that.
I shouldn’t care, but why do I?
Of all people, my dear friend Monica always talks about how she is one of my biggest fans, always always cheering me on. It’s not okay on my end to be worried about thoughts of such a dear friend.
Here is me saying that I do care what others think. And I’m working on focusing more on what God thinks of me. The bottom line is that all that actually matters is how God views me.
He views me as His child (Galatians 3:26), dearly beloved (Phillipians 4:1), His daughter (2 Corinthians 6:18).
I am praying to cling to His thoughts of me more than others thoughts, whether they be from friends and strangers, positive or negative. If I am looking at Jesus, and letting my good works show I am a Jesus follower, my heart is in the right place.
Yes, I am not perfect. I will sin, slack, need to hear truth. I will show my sass or my impatience to others. I will. And among all this, Jesus knows the depth of such sin, and He died for me as I was (and still am), a sinner (Romans 5:8). So I want these thoughts to take up more space than any perceived negative thoughts!
This is my prayer. For Jesus to restore my thoughts with His. With His love and grace and mercy.