This winter 2016 “schedule” of mine is oh-so-filled with so many things. Too many things, though, is too many things. I had two bible studies, one I transitioned into co-leading, full time (and plus some) pediatric clinical rotation, wedding planning, and I went through the process at my church to become a partner (member), small group leader, and children’s ministry volunteer. Every weekend had to-do lists and most Sunday nights were scary as the week loomed ahead. Among all this busy-ness, other wonderful things happened in between:
I got a letter from my Maryland bridesmaid about how she feels Jesus when she prays the Our Father.
When I became overwhelmed at clinical therapists rallied around and said I can do it.
My roommate said she wants to come to work and just cheer me on all day long.
My mom and I found my dream wedding dress at the fourth (out of 4) place and we held our tears in at the same time.
We had a spontaneous-ish reunion in Chicago with my friends from college.
My cousin and I had similar 4 week countdowns that we joined together and prayed for contentness and patience.
I continuously look/stare/play with my ring. Still. I love it.
My heart melted for most of my sweet patients.
Studying Jonah opened my eyes and heart to the presence of anger, bitterness, annoyance that so-often and so-easily is present in my heart.
God had to provide, and He did. He provided me with my wonderful co-leader Kelsey.
So yes, I’m not quite sure how I feel about my busy past 3 months. I think I barely scraped by in all aspects by God’s grace. I did have moments of reprieve and rest and joy; I did! I also had moments of fear and anxiety. (and also my previous blog posts talk about feeling shakeable and not enough.) I am very glad that my busy season is now over, and I want to never be that committed again. It makes me hesitant to say yes to things; and I am working on being more intentional with my yes’s and no’s . No’s can be hard, though. I wonder what I could have said no to last season, or what I could have done differently. It is important to reflect and self-assess, but also be kind to myself to not dwell and let past consume us.
As I prayed this morning my themes were trust, peace, rest. I pray to trust God and His goodness so much that He will give me true rest with His peace that transcends circumstances. I believe this and have witnessed this in little bits, and I pray to live and walk through my days in such a content and trusting way that my days and moods are marked by Jesus. What a wonderful concept.
So praises for all the good and bad of last season. God was truly in all of it!