God is teaching me that a mess is sacred. Order and control are safe but boring; a mess (with the grace and light of the LORD) can be holy and undone and sanctifying. This is because a mess is uncertain and open and leaves a big, wide open space for God to work, or for me to realize/feel/notice that God is working, among the mess.
I know God is teaching me this because it keeps coming up in my prayers while also in sermons and conversations and blogs and scripture.
In Joshua 1:9 God clearly says– “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened (fearful), do not be dismayed (unsettled). The Lord your God will go with you wherever (wherever!) you go.
Such comfort from this. God knows my tendency to feel unsettled, and my tendency to worry about it. Things I prefer: ease and comfort. Things God prefers: Him as my light and hope and strength, regardless of circumstance. God is my light and hope and strength, and He just wants my heart. I’m learning and realizing and being reminded of this daily. I notice the parts of me that crave control, and when those parts of me trust God, it’s sacred and holy. Because God shows up. In His presence is joy. My friend told me today nothing is too big or small for the Lord. Such truth.
My small group is going through a book on God’s attributes, and we have learned of Him as many new names; protector, Elohim (creator), El Elyon (sovereign), El Shaddai (all-sufficient), El Roi (God who sees), Adonai (Lord, master), Jehovah (LORD, of being). And that is only through chapter five. Each week we see more and more of who God is for us, and it’s a beautiful reminder and concept of yes, He is all we need, He created me, He is good and sovereign, He sees me, He hears me.
Today I wrote out a few things I wished were different. Just to put my whole heart and mind on the page. Then I looked at it and I reminded myself that God’s ways are higher and wilder than mine. And praise God that they are. I read a blog today on opening the door to God each morning, that without doing that, we live our day just in our own tiny little viewpoint and mind. God is able to do so many things, in our own hearts and minds. He actually does greater than I could ask or imagine, because our God is bigger than all things– His compassion is deeper, His grace is greater, His love is stronger.
Upcoming “hard things” for me: conflict with a friend (praying for communication and grace), moving apartments (crazy logistics), missing Jonelle, family crap. But God commands that He sustains and upholds. I am to acclaim God each morning and night (psalm 89), regardless of amount of stress or worry, whether things feel broken or new. God is making all things new all the time.
Everything doesn’t have to be a mess to find God, but with God, even a mess can be sacred. I truly believe God is in all seasons. I feel I am in a season of praise as I learn more about who God is and who I am in Him. So right now, messes are sacred and God is a big and personal God.