My newest routine: sunrise runs, biking two miles to my clinical, four 11-hour days, weekends whisking back to MI for things like seeing Emily, wedding things for Casey, and a marathon. Chicago is springing, blooming. Green and white and pink blossoms against a blue sky. Days are long, but filled with learning and lunchtime walks and catching back up with Chicago people (Jess, Monica, Erica, Emily b, small group, Kali).
It’s different and new, among some sameness of all my running and my same apartment. Feeling pulled oh very pulled. I can’t be in there places at once but I feel like I should be. Both terrible and wonderful things are happening to my dear friends and family– cancer, anxiety, fighting, feeling lost, but also engagements and marriages and feeling God. Both. Spring is a clear reminder of new life. I see that. I really do. But all the bad and sad is also suffocating and tough.
That is reality. Hope among suffering. All I can do is see both and thank God and find God. Last night with Em we all gathered at Austin’s friend’s house on Lake Michigan and we saw the sunset and had a bonfire and it was a little safe haven among a bad time. We all need more of those. Keeping praying and living in grace and extending grace. I need to remember that His ways are higher than mine. I tend to have unrealistic expectations of myself too and I can’t please everyone and do everything better. I can just be and do. And be still and know He is God. I can’t focus too much on the shoulds but on more on the now.
This week I am going to pray each morning for God to open windows and doors and bridges for His presence and work to be shown and glorified. I have the blossoms all around to remind me.