Week 9 of pt school was my most defeated and discouraged week. I felt like I know nothing, that I have so much to learn, and that I study way too much to get B’s. Also, I just found out that an 81% and 89% are both a B, and that one is no better than the other. I have gotten way too many 88%s. Everyone tells me to be happy with a B and be content and proud, but its been hard. I figured out that my identity has been partially in my grades, in that with getting As, I felt like a good student, who studied well and learned the material and got an A. Getting a B doesn’t match that. We had a kinesiology oral exam on Wednesday which meant 15 minutes to answer six questions on gait analysis and spine movements. Hard to not feel defeated when they say “tell me more…”. I got an 88%, surprise!
Our stress management lecture in our Psychosocial class came at the perfect time. We talked about what stressed us, and what we could do to control the stress. A lot of things we cannot control, but we can control how we act. We cannot decrease the rigorous curriculum of physical therapy school, but we can get rid of irrational beliefs of being perfect. We talked about how we don’t have to get straight A’s, that it is more about understanding the material at the end of the day. We talked about stopping negative self-talk, and getting confidence from thinking of the past classes we have had trouble with and still got through (physics, calculus). My professor ended by saying that “people become physical therapists everyday”, and that should give us confidence or something. Thank you for that.
Things I am learning, (besides muscles and innervations and normal gait and respiration), are that my identify and worth do not come from my grade point average. My identity and worth come from Christ. I cannot fail in seeking the Lord. I can fail classes. I cannot fail in seeking the Lord. My studies should give glory to Him, that I could not focus and learn without breath and life and strength from the Lord. This is an amazing opportunity for me to be able to learn for my dream career, while in my dream city. AND– God is working through the stress. He is using the stress. He is taking the darkness from the worries, anxieties, and busyness, and shedding His light on them, through friendships and laughter and prayer and His word, through conversations with friends at school and a friend at another school, admitting that God-time is more important than school-time, and how to turn our hearts and minds to Him first, school second. So God is working. He brings peace. He really does. So I said this was my most defeated week. It was, but it also got better in such a beautiful way, for which I am grateful.
ALSO: Little J and Katie came from Hope to visit! I met them at Giordanos and we had a lunch of catching up. This was our third time this semester which is pretty good:) They were my two rocks in cross-country, we have logged so many miles together in both practices and races, pushing and pulling each other, encouraging each other all the way through. We asked a lady to take our picture and she was so nice, it was refreshing. Being around kind, generous people is a reminder of the beauty in gentleness!
Big physiology test on respiration on Monday. So much material. Its all a slight fog.
View as I walk home from the library. (red tree !)
Emily and Austin get married in 7 months!
This “night run” was at 5 o clock! It gets dark here so early. The city at night is my favorite. So thankful to live here and get to run here. Wish I had more people to run with though!
If we are going to grad school, we will go with the Lord’s wisdom and strength and humbleness to learn.
We spotted Christmas lights during our Friday night study break. Literal lights amongst figurative lights.